I mean, but, really . . .

Can I get a show of hands, please? 

I would like to know how many of you out there are able to do “it all.” 

By “it all” I mean the following: 

-          Maintain a home that is beautifully decorated, but also meticulously cleaned, daily, with Soft Scrub, and a steam cleaner, and a power washer. 

-          Do the laundry – sort, wash, dry, fold, hang, put away. Repeat. Daily. 

-          Your dishwasher should always have JUST been unloaded. 

-          Make nutritious meals that are simultaneously organic, paleo, easy, and affordable. Or else be judged by the other moms at Dillons who do NOT have frozen pizza in their carts.

 

-          Maintain an active and interesting  internet presence – facebook, twitter, blog, instagram, whatever-the-h-LinkedIn is, Pinterest, etc. 

-          Give your children cultural experiences that include theater and trips to museums

-          Read to your children. For 200 hours a day. Do flashcards with your toddler. Make sure your 5 year old is reading on a 4^th grade level. If they can’t count in atleast 3 languages by the time they are in preschool you have failed parenting. 

-          Wear makeup, but don’t make it look like you are wearing makeup – that’s trashy. 

-          Do your hair. Washing and air drying doesn’t count. Apparently this is only step one – of 700. Use ‘product’ and a blow dryer and heat styler and be prepared to be judged by the girl who cuts your hair if you don’t. 

-          Dress nice. Never  admit that you bought something at Target or Old Navy (especially not if it was on clearance). Always shop at boutiques, carry a designer handbag, and don’t wear the same pair of shoes more than once a month. BUT do all of this without spending all your money on clothes.

-           NEVER let your children watch more than 17 minutes of television. If you must, it should be PBS . . . preferably in another language . . . 

-          Take amazing vacations. Twice a year. Bring a professional photographer. 

-          Speaking of photographers: you should be taking family portraits quarterly. PROFESSIONAL family portraits. With coordinated outfits. In a field of wildflowers. And on a bridge. With your well behaved pets. 

-          Pets: need to be well fed, walked twice daily (document this on instagram, natch), bathed often, and adored by your children. They should never make noise. Or messes. Ever. E-V-E-R. 

 

-          Work out like you are training for the Olympics. Seriously, though. If you aren’t running half marathons and cutting 2 inches of body fat per week you should just hide in your sweatpants and never leave your house again. How embarrassing. 

-          Throw amazing birthday parties for everyone. Attend birthday parties for your children’s friends.

-           Be crafty. Make amazing things like Martha is watching you.

 -   Have a date night with your husband once a week. 

 - and your kids should be involved - very involved - in activities. They should dominate whatever sport(s) they are playing, also. 

-          Make sure that every time you visit a doctor’s office, for yourself or your children, the report back is perfect. No cavities, stay up to date on immunizations, never need medication. 

-          Have friends. Have a regular girls night. 

-          HAVE A JOB. That deserves a whole other post on how to be a perfect employee. Especially as a teacher because that means you are on call via email 24/7 for 10 months a year.  Respond promptly, appropriately, politely, lovingly, firmly, and informatively to every email within 12 minutes. And teach children. Teach them well. Get amazing test scores. Be kind, but firm. Be well liked, inspire excellence, and never ever raise your voice or make someone cry.

Holy Moly. I’m exhausted and stressed just thinking about this list. I feel like this is what is expected of moms these days. At least according to the internet. 

Confession: I’m not keeping up. I’m not even working right now (stop sneering – school starts in a few weeks and I’ll go back ‘on call’) and I can maybe do three of those things simultaneously. Maybe. But not the Soft Scrub – that stuff is from Satan.

If you checked every box on this list – you are a liar. If you are not a liar then you are taking Jessie Spano’s pills from the “I’m So Excited” episode of Saved By the Bell. And I want some, so please share.

Wildcat Wednesday

 Last Wednesday, my mom, dad, and I took Lexi to Manhattan - or Wildcat Land, as she calls it - for a little day trip. Lexi is the world's smallest but biggest Wildcat fan! It was a great day, and we all ha so much fun watching her reaction to everything. Biggest highlight was getting to go on the football field! Can't wait to take her back for a game this fall - Go WILDCATS!

Holding Happenings

 We have been to the zoo at LEAST twice a week all summer. While I am certainly sick of it, these cuties are not! Thank goodness we have a zoo pass, too, because we usually only go for about an hour. This way, we can see the whole zoo in about three trips. Except for the giraffes - we see the giraffes EVERY trip because they are Lulu's favorite!

 and pictures . . . we still take a lot of pictures

This was fun: 
Sunday evening, around 5, I was getting dinner ready and the girls were playing in the family room. Somehow Emma managed to dislocate Lexi's elbow. I guess Lexi was trying to get up and Emma held her arm and twisted it in the process which caused the bone in Lexi's arm to come out of joint. Lexi SCREAMED! 

When she screams, she looks just like this: 

Lexi will sometimes tell me that Emma pulled her hair so hard, she made "her monkey face"

So I didn't realize (obviously) that she had done any real damage and I thought that she was just being super sensitive about the whole thing and maybe told her to walk it off or something. After 30 minutes she was still crying and whimpering and wouldn't let anyone touch her arm or even move it at all. A good friend's mom is a nurse and we asked her to look at it and she suggested taking her in. I still wasn't convinced anything was wrong with her and I am ashamed to say I sort of waffled on whether or not to take her in the the ER. 

Even though I was still pretty sure she was just being overly dramatic, I took her up to the ER for her first ever Emergency room visit. The staff was pretty amazed that she had made it to 5 years old without having an ER visit. I think I rolled my eyes because I was still convinced they were going to tell me she was fine and send us on our way with one of those super expensive ER popsicles.

 So in the end, it turns out momma was wrong - they quickly popped her bone back in place (amidst incredible screaming and more than a few tears from Lexi . . . maybe a couple from me, too). 
Within minutes she was back to normal - dancing around her little ER room, climbing on the bed . . . basically trying to get in all the playtime she had missed out on for the last few hours! 

 
I couldn't sleep most of the night after this event because I felt so terrible about not wanting to take her in - lesson learned, for sure!




Emma couldn't be left out from the injury roster: she smacked her head on the pews at church Saturday night and has a few little cuts on her nose to prove it.  She also screams like a little monkey in case you were wondering.

This amazingness happened yesterday:

The first 8 seconds are nothing but Emma standing on a foot stool (why?) listening to the music at the end of Tangled (Best. Movie. Ever!). But then around the 9 second mark magic happens. 
Emma has moves AND grooves. 

and yes, I did move the footstool away from the edge of the stairs as soon as I was done filming. The ER doesn't offer a punch card program, you know.

My Summertime Life

 I'm a little late to the "Day in the Life" game - but here's what summer days are looking like. 

I get up at 5:15 every other day. 

Ew. Gross. Yuck. 

I get up that early so I can go run before Paul leaves for work. Exercise is not my favorite thing - in fact, I try to talk myself out of it the entire way out the door and most of the way down the street. 

I picked running back up this summer. I've been an off-and-on runner for the past 15 years. I've intermittently come back to running since having babies, but the guilt always got the better of me and I would stop. I felt guilty for being away from my kids - for not being there to do IT ALL. When I would ask Paul if it was ok if I left to run, he would tell me it was 'fine.' Now when a girl says something is 'fine' she means 'if you really think that is the best idea, but it's really not, and should you make this choice you will pay for it for-ev-er.' 

Turns out, ladies, that when I guy says something is fine - it really is fine. Weird! 

So I've been running this summer.

 a lot. 

Chances are you can run faster and farther than me - and I'm cool with that. I'm trying really hard to only be competitive with myself. Because I know I'll never run a marathon - I'll probably never run a half marathon. But the time spent alone is good for me - one hour to myself every other day is all the incentive I need to keep going. 

But if you see me out (look for the neon shoes) give me a shout because that's always motivating too!

 Here's the other cool part - watching the sunrise is not a bad way to start your day:

 

 SO by 6:45, I'm home. I take a fast shower and tag team Paul so he can leave for work. By now the kids have been up for 30-45 minutes. Oh yeah - Emma doesn't understand sleeping in. So even on the mornings I don't get up and run I'm up by 6 anyway (especially since Paul runs those mornings, so his 5:15 alarm wakes me up). 

They eat breakfast for what feels like 2 hours most days - they kind of combine breakfast and second breakfast (these kids eat like hobbits!). I drink a lot of iced coffee and play on pinterest or Zulily while they eat. Sometimes I bug Paul at work with things like this: 

 Can you even believe he declined those amazing anchor TOMS? They came in his size! They have anchors! He sails! He said no. I'm still confused by this poor life choice. 

Most mornings we try to have an outing around 9 a.m. We've been on a zoo/park/errand schedule lately. 

What's that you say? Minnie Mouse ears aren't everyday wear? 

 

Emma plays with my phone a lot when we run errands - If she's called you I'm sorry. I've tried telling her to stop using the phone while driving (the car carts at Dillons).

Home - then lunch - then Emma naps. During naps I usually try to tackle a project of some kind - baking, school stuff (oh yeah - teachers still do prep work in the summers), Pinterest projects - and the daily laundry and cleaning - you know the FUN things in life! 

 Yesterday, one of my projects was homemade jam-filled-cornbread muffins. They weren't everything I had ever hoped and wished and dreamed about - but I mean, I still totally ate two. 

Not a complete fail.

When Emma wakes up (cranky) from her nap, it's just play time. Sometimes it's coloring, sometimes dress up, usually it's destroy the house and be totally ridiculous time.

 

  playing on Mom's phone

 A rare moment of these two getting along

Yesterday, Lexi tried to teach Emma to sing "Ring Around the Rosie." The only part Em really caught on to was "Ashes, Ashes" and then falling down. HOWEVER, when she says "ASHES" it sounds a bit more like . . . well "Oh $#!%"

We're going to work on the pronunciation of this song . . . as soon as I stop laughing.

The real fun starts at 4:45! I start making dinner while this is happening:

 "Mommy . . . Mommy . . . pick up please, Mommy . . . pick Emma up!"

If we are lucky, Paul is home by 5:15 and dinner is at 5:30. 

 Parmesan tilapia, rice, green beans

This seems early, right? Well here is the deal - Lexi (my lovely, sweet turtle) is the slowest eater on the planet. She takes about an hour to eat a dinner she LIKES. Two hours if she has to eat things she doesn't.

 poor thing. 

But I have someone to talk to while I do the dishes.

Oh to the MY to the GOODNESS! 

The dishes! 

I run our dishwasher twice a day and somehow the sink seems to always look like this! 

Must be those sneaky hobbitses!

Before bath time (7:30) the girls get ice cream if they ate all (or most) of their dinner. 

Baths at 7:30, Story time at 7:45, prayers and bed by 8:00. I know this seems early, but remember they get up at 6 a.m.!!!

After the girls go to bed, Paul and I usually watch something together on our life sized TV in the basement. 

Unless, it's Bachelorette Monday and then we part ways. He doesn't understand the important cultural significance . . . 

Bed by 10 - repeat next day.

Sadly this schedule - which is amazing! - is only temporary. The other 10 months of the year I leave the house at 6:30 a.m. and get home at 5:00. If we are lucky, there isn't dance/basketball/soccer/faculty meetings to work around. Evenings are filled with grading/work and parent emails/lesson prep and probably homework since Lexi is going to be in Kindergarten next year.

So I'm enjoying every minute of the summer time slow down. Sunrises to ice cream evenings - -it's a lot to be thankful for.