Constant Vigilance

This quote from the somewhat strange, and occasionally impersonated, Alastor Moody (from the Harry Potter series - but you knew that, of course) really sums up my life right now: 

"Constant Vigilance!" 

You see, my dear Emma is 19 months old and, well, I guess the kindest way to describe her is curious. But that is putting it mildly, for she is also reckless and not at all graceful. In order to make sure that this little lady remains intact I feel that I have to watch her every move. Dishes, laundry, emails, cooking must all be done with one eye, one ear, and a smidgeon of my brain power for all else is focused on keeping Emma alive. 

The problem is this: 

no one seems to believe me. 

They think I am telling stories on Emma. So I have documented. Oh yes, I have been kept extremely busy writing down the ridiculousness of my daughter. So now I bring you: 

From The Trouble-Making Files of Miss Emma-Jo Holding:

• Em refuses to sit in her high chair anymore. REFUSES. So at the too-young age of 19 months she is in a booster seat and I am losing my mind. 

• she spilled an entire cup of water all over Paul's favorite chair. But don't tell him. 
• She knows how to unlatch the child safety locks. She really loves to steal all the spoons and hide them in her playhouse like a flatware hoarder. 

 

• When she wouldn't sit in her highchair anymore we tried using our little table and chairs. Just a few problems with that - A.) that made her too mobile, thus spreading the mealtime messes out over a larger portion of the kitchen. B.) She hasn't quite figured out that whole balance thing yet and she fell out of the chair one time. C.) she used the chairs to help her reach 'new heights'

 

 

 

•  She loves to eat - this is a known fact. But sometimes she likes to eat things that are not food. I have found her attempting to eat: shampoo, Christmas ornaments, crayons, and shoes. See where that whole CONSTANT VIGILANCE thing comes in? 

• She is ornery. She pulled a hair bow out of Lexi's hair and threw it in the toilet. Then laughed. I touched her with Holy Water after that incident because I was positive there was a demon in her. In case you were wondering, she had no reaction to the Holy Water. She just needed time out, not an exorcism.

• I have been a neglectful mom and done such silly things as the dishes in the past and during the few moments I took my eyes off Emma she disappeared. I have found that she can climb a full flight of stairs and also knows how to not only unlock the door to the garage, but also can open the door. 

• The girl can destroy a full container of baby wipes in less than 13 seconds. She leaves them like a trail of crumbs around the house. 

• She refuses to wear shoes or socks. Ever.

 Sometimes she drives me to drink. 

What? You don't drink wine out of a sippy cup? 

You are missing out. All the booze, none of the spill.

But I always tell my Emma that it sure is a good thing she is cute. She may be naughty, but she is still a sweetie girl who loves to hug and smile. 

 I love you, Emma. 

Just try to take it easy on your momma, ok?