Scary, isn't it?
We found out (the scary way) that Emma has a peanut allergy. I gave her a small taste of peanut butter and within minutes her face broke out in hives.
BEFORE you start lecturing me in your head - I've already heard your thoughts on this. I know the rules used to be 2. I know that you think what I did was border line child abuse. BUT, I was told to try everything - all kinds of table food - try it all. And just in case you think that you still need to let me know that you still think I did a stupid thing - fear not, I already know.
I knew without anyone telling me.
This one is on me.
I did this to her.
I did this to my child.
Not intentionally, but still.
The guilt is overwhelming.
No one can say anything to make me feel worse than I already do. So don't worry.
I know.
I knew without anyone telling me.
This one is on me.
I did this to her.
I did this to my child.
Not intentionally, but still.
The guilt is overwhelming.
No one can say anything to make me feel worse than I already do. So don't worry.
I know.
After her hives, we gave her Benadryl. To add to my shame, I had to speed (literally - 55 in a 40 mph) to the pharmacy to get some. But now I know that I can get to Dillons and back in less than 10 minutes if necessary.
30 minutes later she vomited the Benadryl up.
Then she broke out in a full body rash - nose to toes.
And then I had to take my sweet girl to the ER.
She was red and bumpy skinned all over. I looked terrible - in retrospect I'll bet the nurse had the thought cross her mind "where did this homeless woman steal this baby from?"
Either way, the staff did a great job of talking me down and keeping me calm because I was one raised eyebrow away from totally losing my ?*%#$, if you know what I mean.
After the nurse checked her oxygen levels (which were fine) they took us back to see the doctor. He was very kind and knew not to make any sudden movements around me. I was looking a bit like a frightened animal at this point. They gave Emma a dose of steroids, and within minutes she fell asleep in my arms.
After the nurse checked her oxygen levels (which were fine) they took us back to see the doctor. He was very kind and knew not to make any sudden movements around me. I was looking a bit like a frightened animal at this point. They gave Emma a dose of steroids, and within minutes she fell asleep in my arms.
We left with a terrifying diagnosis:
peanut allergy.
When we got home, I needed to give her a bath.
I say needed because we just spent 3 hours in the ER and I am a germ-a-phobe.
She wasn't awake for most of it.
I say needed because we just spent 3 hours in the ER and I am a germ-a-phobe.
She wasn't awake for most of it.
All I've been able to say to Paul about this is food related :
"she'll never have a snickers . . . or a peanut butter cup"
"Halloween is totally going to suck for her"
"She won't ever know the taste of a peanut butter cookie"
"She'll never eat fries from Five Guys"
"There will be no Peanut Butter-jelly time for Emma"
I know it seems shallow,
but I truly believe this is my brain's way of coping.
If I let myself think about what COULD have happened,
or what might happen NEXT time,
but I truly believe this is my brain's way of coping.
If I let myself think about what COULD have happened,
or what might happen NEXT time,
I'll crumble
(like a peanut butter cookie).
(like a peanut butter cookie).
Aw, Megan! I'm so sorry! I'm going to speak for everyone when I say, I don't think you should blame yourself. Everyone that knows you, knows that you are a GREAT mother & person! Hang in there. Peanut butter isn't all it's cracked up to be, anyway ;)
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